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Day Two - Positive As Hell

Saturday 02 April 2022 Day Two – Positive as Hell

I’ve tried to keep up with writing these on the day so that I’m as up-to-date as possible. I’m actually writing this on Day Four because the brain fog and fatigue have stopped me from doing much else other than just about feeding myself and doing around one, to one and a half activities a day. Yesterday’s activity was ironing, and I took to bed shortly after, but we’ll get to that.

Day Two. I woke up, as I have been each morning, mildly optimistic despite the raging gut feeling that I’m in for it. In for long one, a rough one, teetering, ricketing up the mast of the rollercoaster, only to feel the steep downfall and look up again to see another mast, higher than the last. It’s not that bad. I’m young and healthy. This will be fine. Majorly inconvenient and a big fat bummer, but absolutely, certifiably fine. I’m just being dramatic.

My cough is breaking, phlegm has entered the chat. The “positive” line is aggressively present and more violently obvious than the control line. Here we fucking go. 
Side Note: I'd like to add that no hands were actually thrown, just in case you were looking for the drama.

I text my manager, and I’m wiped from the roster for at least another 9 days. I won’t lie, I fear it could be longer. At this point, my mood is still relatively chipper and I still feel like a bit of a cheat for having such mild symptoms and being out of work. Surely people have gone into work worse.

In truth, I am fearing my own head. Time alone with just me, myself, and my noggin. A routine or even the loose routine of needing to be at work for a large chunk of the day serves as a wonderful distraction from any brain worms. Worms that flourish with inactivity. Lockdown was bearable because I had a thesis to write, and the novelty stuck for a short while. This is anything but novel.

I try to tell myself that I’ve always wanted to live alone and that I can treat this period of isolation as a sort of test run. Obviously not a very accurate one, but I'll use anything to take the focus away from so much time alone. If I was living by myself I would still be going to work, coming home, doing exercise, meeting friends, attending classes, etc. Maybe this isn’t such a good strategy.  

I’m resilient, I tell myself. I’m strong. I can withstand some time alone. Maybe I’ll be so unwell that all I'll do is sleep and the time will fly by. Or maybe I’ll eat through some books and relight the fire in me for literature. Maybe I will finally repaint the living room, provided someone gets me the supplies. The brain worms have already started. I’m criticizing the use of my time before it has even elapsed. What’s more, is, I’m sick. I'm not taking some time off for the hell of it. *Knocks on skull* Be kind, please.

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