The Unemployment Chronicles and My Vaulting Ambition

 The Unemployment Chronicles and My Vaulting Ambition

You read it right. Unemployment.

The blog went quiet soon after its launch because I got a shock after recovering from Covid. For the first time in my life, I was laid off. I almost made it to the ripe age of 25 without ever being laid off, but here we are.

Thankfully, it had nothing to do with my performance and only the fact that within the service industry, your labour becomes quite disposable. I, unfortunately, was the last in, and first out, as cuts were being made. It is tough, and it’s startling to be thrown into uncertainty, but I decided to treat it as a kick up the arse.

A kick up the arse to really start believing in myself, believing in my abilities, my skills, and my experience. I am finally pursuing something pertaining to my college degrees *Mom & Dad sigh in relief*, but also pertaining to what I really want. That’s hard to decide, and I by no means believe it to be set in stone, or at all certain, but I have a better idea now than I have in a long time.

Completing an MA during lockdown and graduating online unbeknownst to yourself amidst a deep spring-cleaning session on your day off from your minimum wage job is a bit underwhelming. Receiving a text into the until now dormant MA WhatsApp group chat “Congrats on Conferring Day!” and running upstairs to your laptop to watch your name appear on screen minutes later is a bit pathetic. As a result, I never felt a real sense of achievement. I didn’t feel as though I had drawn a line in the sand and like I had completed my third level educational endeavour. It was just another day.

But I did achieve great things during my studies, and I deserve a self-pat on the back and any that come my way. It was an incredibly difficult time, and I did extremely well. The pandemic put a halt on my launch into what my mom always called “The Big Bad World”. I sheltered from this big bad world and its worsening state during the throws of the pandemic. Now that the world is opening, so is the job market, and I can really scout around for what feels like a good fit.

I decided to sign onto the dole and take the time to really invest time and energy into finding that fit. We all know the dole doesn’t pay the bills, but I have to set aside the fears and pull out the savings, and just believe in the process, and in myself. I giggle at myself, as I had an impromptu phone interview today where I was asked if I had ambition. I said yes, but Macbeth’s vaulting ambition was his truest fault in the end, so maybe not too much! The nerdiest response, with a very real follow-up.

It was with this question that I realised I really do have ambition. With my faltering faith in myself and this process, I was beginning to let fear fog my perception, and the jobs I didn’t want that dangled financial security in my eyes obscure my vision. In the face of this, I have time and time again chosen to continue my quest. My happiness and my sense of job satisfaction are the prize, and it is worth it. Finding purpose in what I do is my goal, and I will damn well do my best to get there…until my savings no longer allow it!

I am ambitious. I have ambition. Perhaps my vaulting ambition will take me to my next job, and maybe my persistent introspection into what really matters to me will guide my path. I want to help people to realise their full potential, and I want to use my skills to help them do that. First, I have to realise my own potential, and I feel one step closer every day I choose to continue on this self-fulfilling journey.

Let’s hope if I do fall along the way, that it is not the end of me and my ambition, but only another obstacle to overcome, and another reminder of all the reasons why I started this (without the murder of any kings, or anyone for that matter).

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“I have no spur
To prick the sides of my intent, but only
Vaulting ambition, which o’erleaps itself
And falls on th’other” (1.7)