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Day Three - I'm Losing Track

Sunday 03 April 2022 Day Three – I’m Losing Track

I started writing this (on April 5th because I’ve been too wiped) and was writing about the completely wrong day. Since I’ve been struggling to keep this up daily, I decided that my research lies within my Whatsapp messages. This way I can see what I was complaining about on what day. Let’s *vinyl scratch* back to Sunday.

It’s Sunday morning, and I’m feeling relatively energised considering I woke up before 5am and couldn’t get back to sleep, only to sleep far too late into the morning. 10:30 probably isn’t a big deal when you’re sick, but I’ve been rising at 7:30/8:30 most mornings. A lie in from my usual 6AM. I’m sure my sleep schedule will be out of whack in no time.

I make my usual peanut butter and banana on toast with a mix of seeds and some maple syrup. My isolation morning challenge is stepping up my latte art skills on my home espresso machine on my extremely mediocre flat whites. It’s improving.

I feel sick, but nothing to write home about. Or, so I think. In the afternoon I do my ironing and watch The Big Short, taking my time. It’s a lot of ironing, and it’s a two-hour film. Shortly after this, I go back to bed – I’m wiped. This is the first time I’ve gone back to bed with this thing, and it feels like some kind of failure. Ridiculous, I know.

Nobody seems to want to talk about the effects of Covid on your gut. I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), which is extremely well controlled at this stage, but I know that I am susceptible to some gastrointestinal issues from time to time. Covid hasn’t been kind to my gut. I feel waves of gross, nausea, fullness, and then absolutely ravenous, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never been so gassy, from all ends! I’m a fucking joy to be around – luckily no one can be around me right now. Lucky for them, not me. I’m an awful patient and would honestly love to be taken care of sometimes.

In addition to the tummy troubles, I start to feel hot and cold. I don’t have a temperature, but I’m uneasy and uncomfortable and I’m getting flustered. I try to watch re-runs of Brainiac but I can’t concentrate. I am hyper fixated on the idea of being physically sick. Along with everything else, I’m emetophobic. I’m working on it, but it hasn’t treated me very well over the years (all the years I can remember tbh). I can’t shake it from my mind, but I am soothed slightly by my boyfriend’s logic and understanding. That poor guy has to do this more than you could imagine. It’s a nightmare. He’s a gem.

At this point, I am so low on energy that it doesn’t take much to calm my brain and I’m soon off to sleep. I don’t have it in me to be too worked up about it. Too tired to entertain a phobia…maybe I am getting better with this!

There was not much to tell today. Mental and physical exhaustion was peaking at this stage. That’s all folks. 

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